This is something that really happen in my life in the past,
this is about one of my dark hours…
I always start all of my writing with the word ‘in a cold weather’, that because those stories somehow happened in Bandung,
Bandung used to be a very cold and silent city at night.
So I will start this story with that..
In a cold and silent night I walked alone, on a road with a small river besides it, not far from home.
The silence kind of frightening and peaceful at the same time.
It was 3 in the morning, those weeks were tiresome for me, since I have to go home at dawn. Well, I was helping someone dear to me in something important related to college, so it makes me have to go home at those hours for several days.
The silence makes me able to hear my heartbeat, the water on the river flowing, the sound of wind, and my own cough.
That cough, probably the most frightening cough in my life 
since after that, I sense something familiar in my mouth something bitter and have that particular strong scent.
So I run because of it, run and run straight to home, straight to the bathroom, and force myself to cough again. I was right, it’s blood. There’s a cold sweat on my back, a long uncured cough, pain in my bone, and then a red-pure blood spattered on the tile of the bathroom.
Something similar to that...
For those avid reader out there, you maybe guessed what was happened to me from the symptoms, a cold sweat, long uncured cough, few pain in bone and a blood.
Yep.. the day after I cough the blood, I went straight to the doctor and he diagnosed me with Tuberculosis a.k.a TB, that’s a disease that I learned from old movie kill people if left untreated I was not knowing that there is the cure for it. So I literally dropped my jaw and pausing myself there.. thinking..
How Come?
The doctor said, it maybe related to the circumstances where I have to go home at dawn, since the bacteria are easily to spread by air. while having such schedule.. I have some improper sleeping hour, so my immune system kind of not in it’s best. The doctor ask me to stop the activity. But me.. me.. stupid me, I didn’t. At least I stopped it after all the things that I have to take care of are done, besides I have a promise to fulfill.
The one I promised to, never know.. if she may know.. maybe she will blame herself for these… but I then tell her many days after the diagnosis, since I cannot lie to someone dear to me, so I tell her after all the things I had promised her to help are done.
She cried of course, because she was never realized that all of my cough has blood in it
Well, I was good in hiding stuff 
but then.. a promise is a promise. I made the promise, and I would not have any regret after that.
I was trying to leave her, knowing that the disease is highly contagious trough air, because I would never ever forgive myself if I infect anyone.
I went trough a medication of course, 6 month of medication.
Where everyday at 5 in the morning I have to consume 6 kind of antibiotics, and I must not miss it, even for one day. The doctor said.. If I failed to do that, then the bacteria inside my lung will adjust itself with antibiotic and grow stronger, if that happen I may have to prolong the medication time into one year.. or there’s a higher chance that I would never ever be cured for the rest of my life.
The medication.. well, it was the first time I really appreciate my government. Since the medication itself is free… there is this government program to get rid of TB in Indonesia, so they sponsoring a complete medication package for TB (yep.. 6 kind of antibiotics, everyday for 6 months.. so.. it’s about 1080 pills)
It was a weird moments, weird days… it’s like 6 antibiotics were to hard on my body, and I think I’m having delusions or something getting weaker by each day and lost many weight. You may once see my photos on those months, and wonder what’s with the huge differences with me-at-the-current-time
The first month of the medication makes me lock myself, spending a lot of time sitting in a couch near the window of my room, reading books while drinking hot-chocolate, while sometimes coughing some blood
The second month, I am allowed to go out. Then all of my best-friends asking me to wear a mask, in which are quite normal since I can understand that they’re afraid. I did break my heart, since in the second month the medication supposed to stop my cough to infect anyone, never tell them about it though
The third month, the one dear to me that I was trying to leave, it’s for her own good anyway. Crying again…
Dear God, Woman cries are the best weapon that You ever made. Woman cries are the best Weapon equipped in a sophisticated-war-armor called Woman, since… it can break any Man specially one sick man :P
For months,
For staying and not doing anything like that, I was tortured..
Realized I cannot finish my project (I was involved in one freelance project to help me paid my college),
Realized I cannot attend that expensive private college that I choose myself (while I can attend cheaper public college some people said the best in the country)
Realized I’m wasting every second of my life, at home, risking my entire family..specially my 4.5 years old little sister who probably haven’t got any antibody or vaccine for these bacteria I’m having.
Realized I will never ever forgive myself If I infect anyone dear to me. If I did that, I surely would break myself to death.
But then, I made it..rrrr.. correction We made it. Me and all the supporters on those dark hours, survive trough another Shit in life eh?
The moral of the story? Well..
I learned a lot about my family, that because of a blood-bound we’re having, because of I don’t know from where-this-very-strong-care feeling for them, from them. That they would never ever leave me, and I would dare to do anything without question for them.
I learned a lot about my best-friends, that even when they’re afraid, even we didn’t have any blood-bound.
But I believe,
That they would welcome me, even if one day I knock at their door at midnight covered in blood and didn’t tell them why. while there’s police sirens echoing in the distance, they would welcome me with a warm smile and a hug without a question. I would do the same..
I learned a lot about that someone dear to me, who used to cry a lot…
that I just threw out the love of my dream.
And you know,
I paid the college fully by borrowing money from my family member, and paid it after I graduated and work here.
The semester that I was not attending properly. I get flawless A for that semester only
The x-ray of my lung, it’s now one of my room poster.
X-Ray
It looks very cool and there’s a funny story about that poster… my beautiful best-friend, who is a doctor.. once said “You do look good” (while holding the x-ray photo)
That one honest story about few dark hours what about you?
Related posts:
walaupun sering pulang malem/pagi untungnya nggak sampe kena TBC (semoga nggak)
Ya jangan laa :P yang penting kalo kondisi badan lagi down jangan dipaksain aja
A S T A G A H
bahasa enggreess…
ntar deh kalo gitu. bacanya kudu deket kamus. btw, ini yg mobile friendly kok ngabisin kapasitas yg sama dgn yg sblum dibikin friendly ya, om?
Latihan ini yooo
oh well, TB is easily spread through the air, anyway… bukan gara2 elu pulang malem doang kaliiii….
Ya kan kata dokternya, mungkin dia ga mau go into detail kali
knocking sumone’s door while urself covered with blood.. must be cuz ur TB is back.. :P the sirene must be just.. sound effect so it looks dramatic :P
kiddin dude
Haish
oh… maksudnya inih pernah kena TB gitu tah? owalah…
saya bertahuntahun berbagi oksigen, minum dari gelas yang sama, makan pake sendok yang sama dg sodara saya yg kena TB tuh. nggak takut bakal ketuleran. soalnya saya lebih takut dia tiba2 pergi aja sih.
tapi semoga Tuhan menjaga paru2 saya (paru-paru kamu, serta bagian tubuh kita yang lain lah). amiin…
Tapi yo, kalo saya jadi sodaramu dan kamu ketularan.. saya akan sangat merasa bersalah loh
Better to avoid the risk pan
humm… iya ya? tapi saya yang lebih sering nulerin dia flu kok… =p
nah loh! gw jadi kuatir nih..
anak gw udah batuk ampir 2minggu lebih
kagak baek-baek..
hm, gw google gejala TB dulu deh..
Moga2 baek2 aja, ciri2nya itu keringetan di malam hari (biasanya di punggung), batuk2 ga sembuh2, berdahak
hoo… saya dulu juga pernah mikirnya kalo TB ga bisa sembuh, terus baca poster di rumah sakit kalo bisa sembuh tapi lama, ternyata memang lama
sykurlah udah sembuh
Yup
A blessed in disguise heh?
u’re able to take many lessons from that.
Bravo!
anw my hubby was infected by TB also and it can be completely healed
and about this phrase:
“Dear God, Woman cries are the best weapon that You ever made.”
Ho ho ho u have no idea how many times i used it as a manipulation weapon :mrgreen:
Kind of
Glad he’s OK
Hahaha, dangerously beautiful you are
hmm…take care of yourself there..
wkwkwkwk
well… she must be very lucky to have someone like you…ciyeehh..
He is lucky to had her kali :-?